How do i act? i don't wanna mess things up even more!?!?!?!?

first you put him in the friend zone and then keep teasing him. some guys think if they could just start over they wouldn't get pulled into the friend zone. he is trying to start over. some people get turned on by what they can't have, that sounds like you. you had him and didn't want him. now You .can't have him and you want him desperately. it's you that is broken. fix yourself and it will all fall into place. the chemistry is there. you head is a mess. that's why they call it childhood, you will learn how to dance the dance of life eventually.